Sometimes I feel caught in the middle of two worlds, one where women are omnipotent and the other where we are powerless. It seems at odds, but really, its a case of perspective.

Domestic Violence hotlines explain to women that feelings are facts and are real. By using this perspective, fear, no matter how unfounded or illogical, is real. The problem arises when a person is suffering from depression or other mental illness. The first step in overcoming depression is the understand that FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS. These two perspectives are in direct odds with each other. It is left to the individual to determine which perspective they want to take, the victim, or the survivor. The problem arises when the individual is incapable of making that choice, so automatically falls into the victim mentality.

This is not a positive space for women to be. Empowerment is always the better choice. So is accepting personal responsibility. If you are involved in a relationship where there is constant fighting, you should consider a communication class for the both of you, or the possibility that maybe that person isn't the right partner for you. If you are trying to change your partners behavior using verbal tactics, putdowns, or other antagonistic techniques, that is NOT a productive method of maintaining a postive relationship. And it is not setting a good example for children.

We need to be teaching our children what is and is not appropriate behavior, and setting good examples. This starts by learning good communication skills. If we teach our children how to express themselves with words and we reward that behavior by acknowledging their requests, they will learn that words get results.

The most common reasons cited for domestic abuse is lack of communication and drug/alcohol problems. If we as a society placed more emphasis on communication skills the abuse rates would be greatly reduced. There will always be the person who is intent on controlling another person using emotional, psychological or physical means, and for those cases there needs to be effective means of escape and protection. Fear will debilitate you and leave you powerless. Don't let it.

Whether you are a man or a woman, give your relationship the respect it deserves. Understand that long term relationships take an entirely different set of skills to maintain than short term romances. Communication, empathy, and understanding, as well as Respect, are the secrets to success.